Beer Bike!

Beer Bike was today, and it was a special one. While many people would think that I, as a Jonesian, would absolutely hate any Beer Bike that involved Will Rice sweeping for the first time in 26 years, I actually did have a good time and am really happy for all my friends at Will Rice who are in a state of unnatural bliss right now after their Beer Bike sweep.
First, a shout out to all of the colleges that made my Beer Bike awesome.
Baker: Thanks for being the only college that was still awake last night and partying through the night. Your apathy towards competition rivals that of Sid Rich's and makes us all remember to stop taking ourselves so seriously. It was also really funny to see "Jazz Hands" written on the backs of all the Will Rice jerseys.
Will Rice: Congrats on your win. I realized that you can have a lot more fun congratulating friends on a job well done than you can being upset about not winning as I was last year.
Hanszen: Without you, our jacks this year wouldn't have been anywhere near as great, or taken up half of the jacks section of the Thresher. This was a great year for Beer Bike jacks as a member of Jones, and one that will be remembered for a while. Also, major props on the uniforms of your pit crew, which were hilarious and perfect considering your theme this year, Drunker Mifflin. (They were all wearing uniforms that resembled those worn by the warehouse workers in The Office)
Wiess: West Side Story was amazing, and I've had an awesome time spending so much time with yall these past few weeks. Keep up your crazy awesome traditions, and hopefully I can be hanging out with yall during O-week next year, fingers still crossed since the co-fellow selections haven't been made yet.
Brown: Excellent job in the water balloon fight, but I still think yall care a bit too much about hating Jones and not enough about loving Brown.
Wiess and Brown: Thanks for reminding Jones and Will Rice that this isn't just a race between the two of us. Yall put up a great fight this year and had us both scared senseless at times.
Lovett: Thanks for taking one for the team and having the worst Beer Bike theme this year. Don't worry, we all have to be there at some point, and we at Jones served our time last year.
Sid: Amazing job with the DQ's this year. I'm sure most of the other Rice students were getting tired of the naked biker, and it was awesome to see a unicycler and a rocket propelled bicycle this year. It was a lot of fun. Keep up your Beer Bike traditions, they make the day more enjoyable for everyone.
Martel: Excellent warrior-like attitude in the water balloon fight, particularly with the red capes. Also, congrats on finally having enough people to field a full alumni team. Surely a historic moment in Beer Bike history. I imagine it will take many many years for Duncan and McMurtry to achieve that feat.
Jones: For being by far the greatest college in the history of the universe. For winning again, and getting 2nd place in all of the races we didn't crash in. For an amazing pit crew to work with, awesome bikers and chuggers and fans. Awesome water balloon fillers, jacks coordinators, and all of those people who sacrificed their chance to be in the water balloon fight to serve Jones as security and truck riders. I salute you.
JIBA!!

And the awards for the most obnoxious people of Beer Bike:
Autumn for popping my last water balloon that I was saving for Miguel.
Me for asking Miguel for one of his water balloons and then throwing the balloon that he gave me right back at him.
Allie and Rachel for hitting me with a couple balloons from behind.
Andrea, Robyn, and Marie for hunting me down on multiple occassions with water balloons.
Kyle Schnitzer for being absolutely ruthless during the water balloon fight.
Whoever decided that we could each only have one truck this year in the water balloon fight.
Will Rice for sweeping. No one likes it when that happens, but as I said earlier, congratulating your Will Rice friends makes you feel a lot better than just being upset about it.