Well at least I'm better than that guy

After a lot of prayer and thought, I've noticed a common problem with my own spiritual growth that I think also affects far too many Christians. We often get caught up in the mindset that "Well, I'm not as bad as this person and that person, so I must be living a good life." It seems like I often inflate my idea of how righteous of a person I am by comparing my actions to people who don't act as morally as I do. I see people who get drunk every night and pat myself on the back for only having a drink or two every few weeks. I hear of people having sex before marriage and congratulate myself for keeping to just kissing my girlfriend and keeping my virginity. I hear people gossip and tell myself that it's good that I only say bad things about people who truly deserve it.

What difference would it make in our lives if we instead compared ourselves to people on the other side of the spectrum, or to how Jesus Christ acted? Maybe I should be asking myself why I even drink occasionally, when these other people completely abstain, knowing that that is what God calls them to do. Why don't I strive to be like some couples who save their first kiss for their wedding day, to keep from any lustful temptations, but instead continue to put myself in situations where lust takes hold of my mind? Why can't I seek to be like some of my friends who I've never heard a mean word come out of their mouths all my life?

I think the key sin here is my own pride. It's so much better for my pride and self-esteem when I build myself up by focusing on how much better I am than others. If I were to instead think about the ways in which I fail, and set my goals for a higher ideal, it would kill my pride and my own sense of accomplishment.

I think Jesus knew exactly how dangerous this mindset can be to people. After all, the 2nd and 4th beatitudes specifically call us to set our pride aside and seek to become more righteous instead of dwell on how great we already think we are. Christ says, "Blessed are the meek: for they shall possess the land," and calls us to humility. CS Lewis writes in Mere Christianity that all sins can be linked to pride, which I think is true, though the same could also be said of idolatry. Jesus also says two verses later that "Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness: for they shall have their fill." It seems counter intuitive that by recognizing our faults and striving to live a more righteous life, we shall be more satisfied than if we build ourselves up, yet I've noticed that this tends to be the case.

When I first came to Rice I was overwhelmed by how little I was beginning to realize I actually knew about the world. Although I was now more knowledgeable then I ever had been, I felt as if I knew less than I had before. The annoying thing is that the same is true in our spiritual walk. The closer we tend to grow towards this ideal of righteous living and the more time we spend in communion with God, the more we realize how much further we have to go. While I feel like I've come a long way since I really started thinking seriously about my faith at the beginning of high school, I feel like I'm more inadequate now than I ever did back then. Perhaps my blindfold of pride has been slowly disappearing since the beginning of high school, but then every time I think about how far I've come I fall into the same trap of pride in my own righteousness that I was in to begin with.